As I Bid Thee Farewell
by DF
Summary: Padme says a final goodbye to her children, and to her husband...


I'm not entirely sure where to begin. My story is so long, so complicated, that I cannot fathom what happened in a mere thought.  
  
I'm nine months pregnant today. The children should be due soon... his children. His spawn. His flesh and blood. And I must see to their safety by myself.  
  
I don't really blame Anakin for what happened. How can I? I love him with every breath in my body. But sometimes, in the quietest moments of my day, I have to wonder WHY. WHY he did what he did, why he left me. And why Luke and Leia have to suffer.  
  
Luke and Leia. Twins; a boy and a girl. My twins. Anakin's twins. Our twins. And the only hope for the galaxy.  
  
When I was a little girl, living with my parents in a small house out in the lush fields of Naboo, I would often have daydreams of being married and having children. I always wanted a husband and at least one child.  
  
Then I got elected Queen of Naboo.  
  
And that's when I met Anakin.  
  
Tatooine was so harsh, but when I first laid eyes on him, his crystal blue orbs staring into mine, I immediately felt at ease. The boy was only nine years old, but he seemed so wise. So powerful.  
  
Are you an angel?  
  
That's the first thing he asked me. If I was an angel, the most beautiful creature in the universe.  
  
Ten years later, I really did become an angel. His angel; bound to him forever in a life of love and eternal bliss.  
  
Or so I thought.  
  
Three years later, I discovered he left Obi-Wan and joined Palpatine. Which meant he fell to the Dark Side. I tried to reason with him, but he wouldn't listen. The stubborn boy... He even offered to let me be at his side as he served the Empire; and Palpatine, my arch enemy.  
  
I refused.  
  
And then he left me. Left me, unknowingly, with two children to raise.  
  
But I know something, deep down. I won't be able to keep my babies for long. Leia, maybe, but not Luke. Obi-Wan will take him away. Take him to someone on a backwater planet I don't even know.  
  
My baby... my Luke.  
  
I don't even know what they'll look like... but I know I'll love them with every breath in my body. Just like Anakin.  
  
"Miss?" a voice said.  
  
I glanced up, and saw a servant standing in the doorway.  
  
"Miss," the servant said, "Senator Organa is ready to see you now."  
  
Obi-Wan offered his hand to help me up, but I shook my head no. I could stand up fine. Sure, I felt awkward, but I could do it.  
  
Slowly rising to my feet, I placed a hand on my belly for support. Fat a lot of good that would do, but at least my babies could help me emotionally.  
  
We were led into an office of some kind, and that's when I saw Bail. I ran to him and threw my arms around him.  
  
"Bail," I whispered.  
  
"PadmÃ©," he said firmly, pulling me back. "I will do my best to help you."  
  
"I hope," I replied quietly, "that your best is enough."  
  
*************************************************  
  
The room was spacious, comfortable. But it still wasn't the same. Not what I would have picked in a situation like mine. In a situation like mine, I'd be on a backwater planet in some shack that has holes in the walls and roof.  
  
"PadmÃ©?" a voice said.  
  
I turned around, and was greeted by a familiar, wonderful face. "Oh, SachÃ©," I whispered, hugging her.  
  
"How are you?" she asked, holding me back at arm's length to see me.  
  
"As well as anyone can be."  
  
"Rhetorical question," she said, smiling sadly. "Rather pointless."  
  
I smiled back, forcefully. This woman, this former handmaiden, was denying her safety and sense of security to house me here, and she deserved -- at the very least -- my gratitude.  
  
"I will pay you back for this," I said. "It's not right to come here and expect shelter."  
  
"Yes, it is," SachÃ© insisted. "You are always welcome here; both you and your children."  
  
I hugged her again, tears streaming down my face. "Thank you."  
  
**********************************************************  
  
He moved closer to me; close enough that I heard his ragged breath, saw his evil-twisted face. But he wasn't reaching for me. He was reaching for Leia... Leia, lying in her crib, screaming...  
  
I woke up with a start. Another nightmare. That was the third time this week; and it most definitely was not the first time I had wondered if they were trying to tell me something. If the Force knew something I didn't.  
  
Then I felt it. A sort of... twitch. A painful, abdomen-twisting twitch. I glanced down, between my legs... the bedsheets were soaked.  
  
My water had been broken while I was asleep.  
  
"Obi-Wan?" I whispered.  
  
No answer. Of course, I hadn't been expecting one. He was sleeping in another room.  
  
I rose shakily to my feet, wincing in agony as another contraction twisted my abdomen.  
  
Kreth.  
  
"Obi-Wan?" I called again.  
  
Then someone bursted into the room. But it wasn't Obi-Wan. I couldn't make out the form... then the person came into eye-view.  
  
"SachÃ©," I whispered.  
  
"Medic!" Sache screamed. "Hang on, PadmÃ©, help is coming."  
  
"I'll try," I said, grimacing.  
  
"Try not; do, or do not," Obi-Wan said, entering the room.  
  
Then the medic came. "Mrs. Skywalker, lie down and let me see," she said.  
  
_____________________________________  
  
Three hours later, I barely had any sense left. The pain was almost unbearable.  
  
"Push, PadmÃ©," SachÃ© urged. She was standing a good 4 feet away from me... which was wise.  
  
Unlike Obi-Wan, who nearly had his hand broken several times.  
  
Then a baby slid out, and I collapsed on the bedsheets.  
  
"It's a girl!" the medic cried.  
  
I cried, too.  
  
"You need to push some more, sweetie," SachÃ© said. "Just one more big push, and Luke will be in your arms."  
  
I glared at her. "YOU WANNA TRY?!"  
  
"Please, restrain yourself, Mrs. Skywalker," the medic said.  
  
I gathered what was left of my energy, and pushed with all my might. Then the second baby left me, and I was relieved. I collapsed on the sheets a second time, but this time, I was able to do so with meaning.  
  
I was done with labor at last.  
  
"Would you like to hold them?" the medic asked.  
  
"Are you crazy?" I whispered. "Give my children to me."  
  
Then they were in my arms, and for once in my long and painful life, I was perfectly content.  
  
***************************************************************************  
  
"PadmÃ©," SachÃ© insisted for the 5th time, "you look beautiful."  
  
I examined myself critically in the mirror, arching an eyebrow. "SachÃ©, don't start with me." I frowned. "It's going to take a year to get rid of this stomach."  
  
"Listen, will you stop criticizing yourself and come over here?" she said, grabbing my hand. She pulled me over to herself. "You never looked more beautiful."  
  
"Hmm? What about my wedding?"  
  
SachÃ© laughed lightly. "That, too." She sighed, her smile disappearing. "I'm sorry."  
  
I sat down next to her on the bed. "I am too," I whispered.  
  
"Listen, spend as much time with Luke and Leia as possible," she suggested. "I know what Obi-Wan is planning to do with them, and you deserve more than just to sit around and look at yourself in the mirror."  
  
I glanced at her. "Thank you, again. No, seriously," I added, cutting her off. "I'm probably eternally in your debt by now, so let me do something for you."  
  
"No, PadmÃ©," she protested, shaking her head. "You don't have to do anything."  
  
I drew my knees up to my chest, resting my chin on them. "You know we haven't found a home for Leia yet."  
  
"Yeah..."  
  
I looked at her, right in the eye. "And you and Bail have been trying to have children for years now."  
  
She bit her lip, finally understanding. "PadmÃ©, are you sure--"  
  
"You don't want to?"  
  
She jerked her head back, shocked. "Are you kidding me? I would love to. I'm just making sure you're okay with it."  
  
"Leia Organa has a wonderful ring to it," I stated, smiling sadly.  
  
A startled cry came from a nearby crib, and I sighed.  
  
"Think she knows?" I asked.  
  
"Her father's daughter," SachÃ© replied. "She senses things other people don't."  
  
"Like Anakin."  
  
"Yes."  
  
I scooped her up, cradling her and kissing her head gently.  
  
"PadmÃ©," Obi-Wan said, bursting into the room. "I've found a home for Leia."  
  
"So have I," I stated. "She'll stay here with SachÃ© and Bail."  
  
A half-grin lit the older man's face. "Exactly what I was thinking. Why do you always have to be one step ahead of everyone?"  
  
I glanced down at Leia again. "Survival, Obi-Wan. Survival."  
  
*****************************************************  
  
I leaned over the crib, smiling at Luke. He was so precious to me, with his soft, whispy blonde hair and piercing blue eyes.  
  
And today he would leave me, and I would say goodbye for the last time.  
  
"PadmÃ©," a voice said. I turned, and saw Obi-Wan standing in the doorway, a pained expression on his face. "It's time."  
  
Leia screamed suddenly, as if somehow, she knew her brother was leaving.  
  
I scooped Luke up, kissing his face a thousand times, memorizing his every feature, from his upturned nose to his round, pudgy face. Then I clutched him to my chest, holding him... shielding him from his fate to come.  
  
Then Obi-Wan was standing over me, holding out his arms. Expecting me to just give up my son, just like that.  
  
But I really didn't have a choice, did I?  
  
If you love him, you'll let him go, I told myself angrily.  
  
Then I placed Luke in Obi-Wan's arms. I let him go. I loved him, so I let him go.  
  
Obi-Wan -- no, Ben -- turned and walked out. Taking my son with him.  
  
If you love him, you'll let him go.  
  
Leia was screaming, but I barely heard it. I couldn't hear anything but the sound of Luke's final gurgle echoing in my ears.  
  
Ben shut the door, and I could no longer see him.  
  
Sudden silence. Leia was quiet, the bugs outside the window were quiet; every being in the galaxy laid in quiet reverence.  
  
A lone tear fell down my face.  
  
Then, with a scream of anguish, I collapsed on the floor, joining Leia in her mournful cries.  
  
If you love him...  
  
***************************************************  
  
A knock came at my door, and I started.  
  
"Yes?" I said.  
  
"Dinner," came the reply.  
  
"Come in."  
  
The door swung open, and SachÃ© came in, carrying a food tray. She sat on the bed next to me, placing the tray in front of my face.  
  
"Try and eat something, PadmÃ©," she said sympathetically. "It will keep up your strength."  
  
"You tell me I need strength," I stated softly. "What I need is to die."  
  
"PadmÃ©," she admonished, "you do not deserve to die!" She grasped me by the shoulders and shook gently. "Listen to yourself," she snapped. "You're not thinking rationally. Stop and think about what you're saying. You are Leia and Luke's mother... they need you."  
  
"No, the people on Tatooine are Luke's mother and father. You and Bail are Leia's parents. They will grow up, and never know me... all because of my husband's choices in life."  
  
SachÃ© seemed to consider. "There could be a way that you could know Leia.... but not be her mother."  
  
I frowned. "What do you mean?"  
  
"A nanny, perhaps?"  
  
My eyebrows went up. "A nanny?"  
  
"Her nanny."  
  
I hesitated, then, "How long?"  
  
"Until she doesn't need you anymore. Simple lifestyle, quiet life."  
  
I nodded, but grimaced as a splitting headache coursed through my skull.  
  
"Are you okay?" SachÃ© asked.  
  
"I don't know," I replied. "I don't feel good at all."  
  
"Why don't you lie down," she suggested. "Get some rest. I'll come back later."  
  
I nodded, then sighed. Rest never sounded so good.  
  
**********************************************  
  
*One year later*  
  
He is coming.  
  
He, who caused me so much pain over the last two years, is coming to Alderaan, on some crazed diplomatic mission.  
  
I think he's just trying to get to Bail.  
  
SachÃ© rummaged through my closet, as I took medicine for my illness.  
  
"Here, put this on," she said, handing me a long shawl with a head covering. "So he can't see your face." She turned to me and sighed. "You should really see a doctor about that."  
  
I frowned. "I've seen the best doctors on Alderaan. There's not much else I can do but wait."  
  
"Wait for what?!" she said. "Wait until he notices, or until you die??"  
  
"He won't notice." I took a deep breath. "Because I'm not staying on Alderaan."  
  
"WHAT?!" she exclaimed.  
  
"You heard me," I said quietly. "I think it's time for me to go. Leia got to know me... as a mother. And now it's your turn." I put up a hand, cutting off her protest. "Please. There's not much else I can do. And if I stay here, I'll be putting my daughter in danger. Your daughter, now."  
  
Her eyes filled with tears, SachÃ© hugged me firmly.  
  
"Keep in touch," she whispered. "Use holo-mail."  
  
I nodded. "I will."  
  
Her head tipped sideways, as if listening to something. Then she turned to me.  
  
"You'd better hurry."  
  
****************************************************  
  
I holstered my blaster in the belt of my dress, not even bothering to conceal it. If I died today, it would probably be for the better.  
  
The stormtroopers had raided last night, led by their dreaded master....  
  
My husband.  
  
Now all I had to do was get off Alderaan, without him noticing me; which actually sounded pretty easy.... unless he can sense your presence from light-years away.  
  
"There's a small ship waiting for you in the hangar," SachÃ© said, pacing. "Bail had a meeting with Lord Vader an hour ago, and he fears that he might suspect something." SachÃ© paused and took a deep breath, then smiled grimly. "So hurry, and be most careful."  
  
I hugged her. "You've been a true friend to me, SachÃ©," I whispered. "I shall never forget you. Just promise me that you will take care of my daughter."  
  
"I promise," she said.  
  
My eyes welling up with tears, I turned, pulled the hood over my head, and left the room.  
  
__________________________________  
  
I tended to lean toward the shadows, avoiding any and all Imperials. If even one of them sounded the alarm, my husband would be here in the time it took me to sneeze. I could not afford a mistake.  
  
I rounded a corner, raising my blaster, checking for the stormtroopers. Surprisingly, none were there.  
  
But someone else was.  
  
"Hello, Padme," Vader said calmly.  
  
My breath caught in my throat, my knees went weak, and it was all I could to keep from beating him over his helmeted head with the handle of his lightsaber.  
  
"Anakin," I managed to choke out. The words seem to give me strength, for I stood up straighter as I said them. "You're looking well."  
  
"Likewise," he said sourly.  
  
Indeed, I was a wreck. My face was dead-white, I was shaking, and my hair was a matted, tangled mess. The disease was slowly destroying me; eating me from the inside-out. Anakin had always been very observant.  
  
"So, Anakin, what brings you here?" I asked, maintaining my cool composure despite the odd circumstances.  
  
"I am not that man, and you will not address me as such.";  
  
"All right, then, Vader," I snapped. "Why are you here?"  
  
"To the point, are we?"  
  
"Answer the question."  
  
Vader paused, and appeared to be thinking. His mechanically-altered breath came out in slow, ragged wheezes, and I had a hunch that he didn't entirely enjoy his new outfit.  
  
"Come with me," he finally said.  
  
"You know that I cannot," I countered tersely. "I cannot serve your master."  
  
He was silent once more, and a seemingly-ancient connection quietly established itself once more.... a connection that had long ago died.  
  
"Then you are free to go," he said quietly.  
  
I started. "Excuse me?"  
  
"I have no orders to kill you; no use for you in my life anymore." He stepped closer maliciously. "But rest assured... if we come into contact once more, it will be for the last time."  
  
I swallowed, but did not show my fear on the outside. Very tentatively, I brought a hand up and touched the side of his cold, plasteel mask.  
  
"There may be some goodness left in your heart, after all," I whispered, a small tear trickling down my cheek.  
  
Then, turning, I left behind the last person in the universe that I truly cared about.  
  
Dantooine was waiting.  
  
THE END 


End file.
